My Life. My Love. My Dog

Day Uno...

2010-12-11T11:29:00.000-05:00

An old high school friend of mine messaged me on Facebook the other day asking if I had heard about this energy drink called Spark. It is from Advocare, has only 45 calories per serving (sweet!), sugar free (double sweet!) and it is supposed to be unique from other energy drinks because it helps you with your "Mental Focus." Now, I don't know about all of you guys, but I tend to be like that little puppy that you have to snap your fingers at and say, "come back to us" from time to time, lol. If this drink can help me keep up with my always on the go child, work and give mental focus I am ALL game!

So, when I woke up this morning and started down the stairs, what did my sleepy eyes see? A package! I love packages on the door step... it's like Christmas or your birthday just sitting there waiting for you... except you usually had to purchase it and nobody wants to buy their own christmas prensents. See what I'm talking about with the whole wandering mind thing! Anyways, when I see a package on the door step I get these little butterflies in my tummy and my mind automatically says, "Oh goody, I wonder if it's for me?!?"

Due to the holiday season I have been an Amazon shopping Queen. This tid bit of information makes John want to cry, but for me, it makes box opening that much more fun because I was a little bit unsure what was in the box on my porch. Was it something for Brad? John maybe? How about that beautiful mother of mine? Nope it was for ME! My Spark had arrived and just in time to start out my busy weekend!

The SPARK box has a sticker/seal that you must break in order to open the box that says "INFORMED-CHOICE." I went to their website to see what it was about because truthfully that kind of weebed me out. Why would you put a sticker on a box about informed choices? Turns out the sticker is good thing! Per their website "Informed-Choices is a quality assurance program for sports nutrition products. We certify that supplements and/or ingredients have been tested for banned substances by the World Class sports doping control laboratory, HFL Sports Science." That is pretty cool! So here is what it all looks like...

The Spark 14 Packet box with seal (yes, it has been opened).

An individual SPARK packet.

It even lists out the Supplement Facts on the back of each packet! Very Nice!

The packet was very easy to open and then you just mix the powder in 8 fluid ounces of water or the beverage of your choice per the directions. I went with water out of the refrigerator cause I'm risky like that, lol. Side Note: I ordered the Grape flavor and it tastes pretty sweet. I liked it, but this was the first time I drank it... and yes, two hours in and I do still feel alert, so far, so good!

Why Hello There...

2010-12-10T15:33:00.000-05:00

Along the road so many things change... You stop blogging because your work takes over, your child starts growing up right before your eyes and before you know it it has been an eternity since you have been in the blogging chair. Maybe in part it's due to the fact that it is so exposing. Everyone gets to see exactly what you are thinking and that leaves you so vulnerable.

I've missed it though, I miss the freedom that comes with "popping the top" that is on my mind and letting the thoughts spill over onto the keyboard. It's nice to share with others and while I still have an entire family full of people to talk with every single day - I want to talk to you too!

My punk is growing like a weed... at Five years of age, Bradley is nothing short of a giant, lol. He is sooo incredibly tall. Gracious, this child already comes up to my sternum (side note: I've always thought that was such an odd word, lol) and I'm 5'6 so it's not like I'm a short cat or anything! He wears a 1.5 size shoe and those skiis are growing every day. It is impossible to keep up with him, lol!

Outside of Brad's physical growth, he has recently conquered the cool kid task of riding his bike with NO training wheels! Whoop-Whoop! Now when I tell you that his face was covered from ear to ear with a smile because he was so stinking proud of himself, I am not even kidding, lol. It was so amazing to watch his mind process the whole thing and finally grasp how to actually ride his bike without being pushed.

Then the BIG event was this past weekend.  Bradley's buddy had a birthday party at the BMX track at one of our local parks here in town and he was invited. John and I were a little hesitant at first because Brad was still a bit new to the whole riding solo thing and he had NEVER been to any type of bike track before.  But John got Brad this really cool new helmet and before I new it, Saturday was here. When we got to the BMX track for the party my Mommy Brain almost exploded. Y'all there were big kids on the track and there were REAL true to life dirt jumps that these kids had to ride up and complete AND then they had all this turning and cornering, I thought I was going to faint. John and Bradley on the other hand, now those two were excited.

After a little while of getting reacquainted with his bike and showing off his new helmet, Brad and the other boys at the party headed onto the track (along with all the big boys, a.k.a. Grown Men). I stood outside of the fence with my hands in my pockets and my heart pounding as I watched my mini-me hike up the start ramp with his bike in tow. John was right beside him, "you gotta peddle hard, buddy!" You could tell that it looked a LOT steeper from the top of the start ramp then it did from the side lines by the "I don't know about all of this" look on my little man's face. The other kids started backing out and saying they didn't know if they could do it and how it looked scary. Right about that time, Bradley pushed off and down the bike ramp he went! My boy was going FIRST... John and I immediately started cheering, "Go, Bradley, Go! Peddle HARD!" My hands flew out of my pockets and up in the air in total celebration.   He made it around the entire track without falling and to be completely honest with you, I am not sure who was more proud of my boy, me or John! He was high-fiving Bradley and that-a-boying him, it was so cute and such a touching moment. Brad told John that he could hear us yelling for him the whole way around the track, lol!

                            Brad doing one of the JUMPS!

Brad riding around one of those turns (I don't know the terms, lol!).

Brad doing another jump! Go, Bradley!

It was a great birthday party - a ton of kids, food, activities (Hello, Pinata!), and some of my best friends! It was a wonderful day. Oh and FYI - the kids must have gone around the track at least 15 to 20 times they were having that much fun.

It's been a while...

2010-03-01T14:00:00.003-05:00

I have to be by far the worst blogger out there, lol! For that, I apologize. Bradley and I are doing very well. Brad is growing like a weed these days... he is so tall and just beautiful.

He has the brightest smile and has held onto his belly laugh like a champ! We are starting T-Ball this month and let me tell you, Bradley is sooo excited! John bought him his first glove and ball which you would have thought was GOLD, but we have to give MiMi the credit for finding a place to accept Brad this early. Most places wouldn't let Brad play because he still so young. They wanted him to be five AND they wanted us to bring his birth certificate to prove it! Lucky for us, Brad will get to play at four and experience all that comes with baseball. I am so proud of my little man.

Brad is doing great in school too. I cannot believe that he will be starting VPK this year. I swear he was just learning to walk yesterday and NOW they are telling me that I have to sign him up for 4K on the 22nd of this month (GULP). It's all so bitter sweet. It's like you blink and they are grown... thank you Lord for the pictures and memories!

My Baby is FOUR.

2009-10-01T16:22:00.002-04:00

He did it. My little man turned four years old on Monday. I am a little bit in shock to be completely honest. He is growing up so fast and it is all happening right before my eyes. It's just beautiful.

We had a lovely birthday party for him at the house. All of his family and some close friends came (even his Dad came). He got all sorts of presents and had a Spider man cake! He had the best time and I can honestly say that I do not believe he could have been any happier! I'll update with photo's as soon as my Aunt gets them to me. I was so busy I didn't get a chance to even pick up my camera!

Kissing on the playground.

2009-09-15T10:37:00.002-04:00

Bradley has decided to go ahead and test my sanity in the girlfriend department. Yep, that sweet little face right there, it came home with a note asking that I discuss with him that he cannot kiss his little girlfriends on the playground. I'm just going to go ahead and throw this out there... I'M NOT READY FOR THIS, lol! Here was our conversation...

"Brad, ummm, what's up with you kissing a little girl on the playground?" Me

"Mommy, I was just telling her that I would see her later." Brad

"Dude, you cannot kiss other people. You can kiss Mommy, MiMi, Aunt Amber... but no-go on the little girls on the play ground!" Me

... Brad just looks at me...

"Are we clear here buddy? No kissing ANYONE at school." Me.

"Mom, you're embarrassing me." Brad

Then I died.

I need one of those earpieces where someone can coach me and tell me when to laugh and when not to laugh (not that it would matter since I have absolutely no filter), I also need them to tell me what to say in situations where I am so caught off guard as a Mom speaking to my SON about this stuff. It was sort of like when Brad decided it was cool to pee outside and he dropped his pants on the playground. I died then too. I just know he's going to be that WILD child. He just flies by the seat of his pants and I am merely along for the ride sometimes. I love it.

Knocking on the 4 Year Old door.

2009-09-12T16:15:00.002-04:00

Wow, when did this happen?!? I really have to stop myself some days to make sure that I remember to absorb the small things with Bradley. It's amazing how routine life can be and how each day quickly turns to a week and then before you know it another month has gone by.

My baby will be FOUR on the 28th of this month. I am not really sure how I feel about this to be completely honest, lol. I mean am I excited that my little man is going to have another birthday and I will be there to celebrate that with him, absolutely. However, as his Momma, it is so hard to watch my "baby" disappear... Hell, who am I kidding, my baby has been long gone. Brad is a full blown KID and it is awesome.

Brad is one of those children who lets nothing past him either. You can say something with the glimmer of hope that he's not going to catch on to what you are saying and Brad's all, "Whoa, whoa, whoa... did you just say we are going to Zoinks on Friday?" Then every single day he will remind you of said visit to Zoinks. He's like my own built-in Assistant.

So for Brad's birthday this year he has asked for a "Bigger Bike" than the one he has. This is understandable as he has all but outgrown his first one *tears*. We are going to look around and see what he wants AND I'm going to have to get him a bigger helmet because my son has one of those melon-baby heads... I can talk like that about him, he's mine, lol. I'm just hoping it's not purple. Brad thinks that purple and blue are the same thing and while that's understandable as they are pretty close on the color spectrum, it's just not what I'm shooting for.

Also, my little man is having a full-blown Brad Day for his birthday this year. EXCITED! I'm taking the day off of work and we are going to do whatever it is that he wants to do. Well, after we take his cupcakes into school and have a little b-day thing for him with his classmates. This should be fun... stay tuned!

So, some news on the home front...

2009-08-19T12:34:00.003-04:00

I am legally divorced now. I have gone back to my Maiden name. I have full (sole) custody of Bradley and we are doing really well. It was hard for him at first (not seeing his Dad - he has not seen his Dad since right before Easter), but as time has gone on he seems to be a pretty well adjusted little boy, lol.

Speaking of Brad... he's about to be FOUR next month (September 28th)...I know! It really is just so hard for me to even process. I remember when Brad toddled for Pete's sake and now the kid can do ninja kicks and speak in Spanish (try that one on for size). My wall at work is covered in his handy work and it is always growing.

Tomorrow is Pajama Day at school and he wants to wear his Cars PJ's, which is fine by me, but they are like beyond short, lol. Brad has some of the longest little legs, so you have to imagine this super tan little boy and now the little white non-tan part of his legs are going to be showing underneath his PJ bottoms... HA!

Well, that's about it for now! I will try to keep up more now that everything is final with the divorce and I am free to chat again how I want to. I really had to sensor myself there for a while for Brad and I, but now it's all good!

I'm going to be moving blogs.

2009-04-21T10:00:00.002-04:00

My life has changed so dramatically over the past six months that this "place" seems to have run its course. My life no longer mirrors the memories shared on this blog and it feels right to move on. I am working on setting up my new blog and for those of you who want to continue looking back over my posts, you are more than welcome. I am not deleting this blog, merely moving on to a new adventure.

Steph

I went to see my Dad.

2009-03-29T13:45:00.003-04:00

It wasn't as hard this time... walking up to his grave. I wonder sometimes if each time I go if it will get easier. I still get a lump in my throat and wish that I could see his face, but it's just a wish. I still talk to him like he's here and laugh at our memories. I can still hear his voice and his contagious laughter. I just can't touch him.

I've often wondered what life will be like for Bradley, not having a Grandfather. I know that I spent so much of my time growing up with mine. They taught me so many things and I remember mirroring them in many ways. Brad does have his Dad's father, but he's never met him... just spoken with him a few times on the telephone. I guess you don't know what you've never had, know what I mean? I also know that Brad has other male figures in his life and I'm sure they will teach him all the things that a Grandfather would, but it's still sad to think of.

I remember wondering shortly after my Dad died who I would go to with my problems. Many of you know what my Dad meant to me. That he was my absolute best friend and confidant. To tell you the truth I have found no one that I would trust the way I did my father. I've just learned to rely on myself more, which I guess is a good thing. I have friends and family that I trust, but my Daddy, well, he was my Daddy.

I just miss him, that's all.

Work and Play

2009-03-23T12:07:00.003-04:00

I'm so sorry it has been a while since I updated here last. Since I started back to work this month, it has been much easier to let our blog slip and focus just on my time with Brad.

Bradley and I are doing really well. My little man grows taller every day and if he catches up to me in height by the time he's 12 I will not be surprised in the LEAST! Brad was accepted into a new school this past week. He will start April 1st and we are just so excited for him! He has been on the waiting list to get in since he was 18 months old, so of course we are excited for him, lol.

The hard part is that he will have to leave his long time Nanny, Mrs. Wendy. Wendy has cared for Bradley since he was just a wittle thing. She is sad that the time has come for Brad to leave her, but she too understands that this is going to be a wonderful opportunity for Bradley since he will start VPK soon.

As far as I'm concerned, I am doing really well too. I'm happy and focused. I'm working, which is such a blessing in today's economy. I have wonderful friends and family around me... and I've started dating someone. I have been seeing him for a little while now and it is so nice. He really is a wonderful man and my baby adores him *almost* as much as he adores my baby.

Life is good.

No longer a Stay At Home Mom...

2009-03-05T13:11:00.002-05:00

I start back to work full time tomorrow. A year to the day that I was laid off and became a Stay At Home Mom to Bradley. This has been the most amazing year in terms of being a Mom. I have been blessed to have spent this year watching my little boy grow and become such a fine young man.

I am torn by this though. I want to work and I NEED to work so that Brad and I can become independent again. I want so much for he and I, and while I know that working is the way for us to achieve this goal, it is difficult to know that I will no longer be his full time care provider.

I'm going to miss all the little things Brad and I share... like eating our meals together and playing all day. I'm going to miss watching him fall asleep at nap time or just randomly walking up to me during the day and saying, "Mommy, I love you." I'm going to miss watching him learn a million new things each day and knowing that I was a critical part in that. I'm going to miss him.

On the flip side... I'm glad to be back on the saddle. I want to work and earn my way. I want to know that I am capable of being a single Mom. That I am and always will be a Mom that does what it takes to take care of her child. I'm excited for me. Wish me luck!

What to do? What to do?

2009-02-27T15:02:00.002-05:00

Brad is spending the weekend with his Dad and I for ONCE have nothing planned. I just don't even know what to do with myself. My girlfriend asked me to go out for drinks with her tonight, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to do that!

Having a weekend to myself with nothing to do but pick my toenails is NICE. I'm going to be bored out of my mind come Sunday, lol. Funny how life changes once you have a child.

Baseball.

2009-02-26T10:46:00.007-05:00

Brad is REALLY in love with baseball. We must play at least an hour a day. We have laughed and laughed teaching Bradley to play. He does not use the whole "T-Ball" method either. Brad digs his little feet in the dirt. Gets in his stance and then waits for the ball to cross the mound. I am blown away at the arm on this kid too!

I could do this no justice with words, so here is is the process...

I'm serious. The faces that cross this child's face when he swinging are PRICELESS. I believe that I will use these to humiliate him when he starts dating. It will be perfect. There is seriously no shame in my game, lol!

And I just love this one...

I think I'll keep him ;).

Bradley's Happy.

2009-02-24T10:14:00.008-05:00

Over the last several months, life as Brad and I knew it changed, and it changed drastically. At first, it was all so scary and uncertain, but we have found happiness again.

Bradley has come so far. In November and December he would not let me out of his sight without having a full blown panic attack and become hysterical until he saw me. It was so hard to watch him so fearful. I just continued to reassure him that I was and always will be here. With each passing day the horrible anxiety is letting him go.

Brad is once again my happy, vivacious, totally spastic little boy and I have never been so happy to see my baby again!

He makes life so fun. He is learning so many new things and he loves to be outdoors. To play in the dirt, slide down slides, swing, dance... he's just totally thriving and it makes me so proud.

I can honestly say that our life however crazy it may have been is falling perfectly into place. We have amazing people in our lives and smiles on our faces. My little boy is full of smiles these days.

It's been a little crazy.

2009-02-22T14:00:00.002-05:00

Sorry I have been gone, Guys! I sure have missed everyone and let me tell you, I will be so glad when it slows down a little. Since Brad and I went on our trip to Jacksonville last month it has just been NON-STOP! Bradley and I have moved. I've been traveling a lot lately with a new friend of mine (I'll tell you all about that later.) and I've just been enjoying life!

I *just* got MY computer set up here so I will be able to start posting pictures again, YAY! You are all going to just melt when you see how much Bradley has grown and what all he's been up to. It makes me smile just thinking about it.

Brad is doing so well now that he's become adjusted to it just being the two of us. He does visit his Dad now and that's so good for Brad. Brad gets really excited on the nights he's going to his Dad's, but he is always ready to come home and a little emotional. I am sure with time that will improve. I know it has a lot to do with his age and not being completely able to understand what is going on.

I just wanted to check in with everyone and tell you all that we are still alive and kicking! Talk with you soon!

We are off to Jacksonville!

2009-01-23T18:38:00.002-05:00

Brad and I are leaving for Jacksonville to spend the weekend with some friends! I am so excited, I just love Brittney more than anything. Britt and I met during our pregnancy with our boys and then in person back in 2006. Since then, we have pretty much seen each other a couple times a year.

Britt is one of my all time favorite traveling buddies! We have flown to several places together and my goodness if she does not make me laugh like no ones business. I'm super lucky to have such dear friends in my life!

I am also VERY excited to meet Kelly in person, as we have spoken on the phone and she has been such a great support through my divorce and figuring out what to expect in terms of Brad and Brian. So this weekend will be three women who really love each other like family and FOUR 3 year olds tearing up Britt's house, lol! It's going to be F-U-N!!!

I will see everyone when we get back AND I promise to have updated pictures of Brad!

Big Boy!

2009-01-22T07:34:00.002-05:00

My baby is not so much a baby anymore and it is mind blowing! Brad has grown so much in the past six months. Not in weight, but in height. I put him in a pair of his 3T jeans, my favorite pair I might add, and they were too short! Of course they were still big in his waist because that is the story of his life, but I just cannot believe that my baby is so tall!

Brad has also started to conquer his fears in terms of the play ground. He has always been a little dare devil, but once he hit a certain spot on the playground where he feared he could not get himself out of, he would panic. I have constantly assured him that he could do it and he was a big boy! Well last night, when he was at the top of the swirly pole, he started to get freaked, but without having to utter a word of confidence to him, he stepped off and onto the top of the park. You should have seen the total sense of pride that came over his face. I cheered for him like he had just won a Gold medal, lol! It's so incredible to watch him grow each day!

Brad has also mastered something that some may think is gross, but as a parent, it's HUGE. Brad can get his pants on and off (even the buttons) when going potty AND he wipes all on his own. I have nothing to do with potty time anymore and it is so cool to see my little boy becoming so independent! It's pretty cool.

What I missed the most...

2009-01-20T07:57:00.002-05:00

So Bradley just returned Sunday afternoon from his first weekend with his Dad.

Since Brad was about 18 months old, he will wake up around midnight and come crawl in bed with me. I am usually so sleepy that I don't consider walking him back to his bed, so I just toss him over me and let him sleep. This morning when he called out to me and asked if he could get up in bed, I followed protocol and chunked him onto the bed. Within a minute we were both asleep, sharing MY pillow, with one of his legs resting on my back (I'm a tummy sleeper).

When I woke up this morning and felt my baby's breath on the back of my neck and his leg resting on my back I thought, "This is what I missed the most while he was gone." Our incredibly imperfect/perfect/random/off-the-wall/share my pillow loving relationship. He's my beautiful world.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

2009-01-16T10:13:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe how fast the time goes! I am knocking on 30's door and I'm not liking it so much, lol! Today has been so nice so far. I had Bradley and my Mom run in the room yelling, "HAPPY, BIRFFFDAY!!! HAPPY, BIRFFFDAY!" and then Brad opened my presents FOR me. He's that kind of guy (wink, wink)!

Tonight everyone is having a big party for me and this weekend I am going out of town with some friends! I'm a happy girl! It should be tons of fun. Then next weekend Bradley and I will be heading to Jacksonville for a nice long weekend with some friends again, so it's turning out to truly be a nice January this year!

The beauty of StatCounter...

2009-01-15T14:46:00.002-05:00

The funniest thing about having a tracking system on my website is that some people think they are really leaving Anonymous comments. Not so much. L, please stop coming here. We are no longer family. You betrayed that months ago. I really do wish you the best, but this is no longer a place for you.

Time.

2009-01-12T09:23:00.002-05:00

When people say that time heals all things, it is very hard to understand that in the moment. At the time, you really are not capable of seeing your life outside of what you have always known. For me, that was the hardest part.

I have found that the last few months have been both difficult and rewarding past my highest expectations. I found that I can make myself happy. That life is only what you make of it. And happiness is priceless. I found my laugh again. My smile is back in full force and I can see clearly that where I am today has been a beautifully fought battle.

I am proud of me.

They say that we are all ingrained with a "Fight or Flight" mentality and I know that I have always been a fighter. If 2008 taught me anything it is that I am fully capable of weathering any storm brought my way. That I am human. That foolish pride will do nothing for you. That time truly does heal all things. Thank you all for standing by me and often carrying me when it got to rough.

I want to especially thank my Momma and my sister, Amber. I am so blessed to have such beautiful people in my life. You two have stood guard over me when I was down. You protected me only as a loved one could. You continued to remind me of all that I had left to fight for and how beautiful my life truly is. I wish I could voice the amount of love I have in my heart for you, but there are no words. I love you.

I just rocked my baby to sleep.

2008-12-22T21:09:00.003-05:00

It was fantastic.

I have not rocked Bradley in a very long time. Probably because he is over three years old, and the idea of him holding still long enough to rock actually hurts my brain to think about; but tonight he crawled up in my lap and laid there just like he use to in my arms. It was so wonderful. He smelled so much like a clean little boy and not dirt, lol. Then right before he drifted off to sleep, those long black eye lashes fluttered like they did when he was really little. Man, that totally made my night.

I love my son.

"Practice what you preach..."

2008-12-14T19:18:00.004-05:00

I am trying incredibly hard to follow this very old saying. It is so true in all aspects of life, and if applied, I personally believe you will live a much more fulfilling life. As a Southerner, we tend to have a LOT of sayings. However, I believe this saying is a wonderful one!

Here is where this "old saying" comes into play. Since my soon to be ex-husband just up and walked out on his family last month, I have had a lot of anger and resentment in my heart towards him for being such a horrible person and a coward. Further more, the fact that he has such a blatant lack of respect for Brad and I, and for reasons that are way to extensive to list in one entry, lol; I have still remained this bright cheery person to my little boy.

Bradley has obviously had a TON of questions seeing how he had previously spent every day of his life with his Dad in his home. I always speak to Brad about his Dad with a positive tone and kindness... even though I want to tell him the truth and it takes every ounce of my being to tell him he is a good Dad and he does love Brad. I tell Bradley to not be upset with his Dad, that sometimes two people cannot live together and that does NOT mean that he (Bradley) was ever at fault. I continue to reassure Brad a bajillion times a day that he is LOVED and WANTED. It's been so hard to watch my little three year old go through this.

I decided early on that I would not speak poorly of Bradley's Dad to him. That in time, Brad would find out the type of man his Dad really is and that will be the greatest gift I can give him... letting Brad find out all on his own.

So, I have taken all these efforts to assure my son was happy and okay, so much so that I really have not spent a great deal of time answering my own questions in my heart. I have decided that if I am going to tell my son to not be angry with his Dad, that I too need to work on letting some of this anger go. I cannot control the actions of others, but in my faith, forgiveness is so important. I cannot say that I am anywhere near ready to forgive this man, but I do want to "practice what I preach." Especially since I am going to be teaching my beautiful, perfect little boy how to be a healthy, thriving adult.

In order to accomplish the above, you have to have a foundation of morals and standards. To have love and compassion in your heart. To speak the way you would like to be spoken to and above all, know that your family will always be there. I can give Bradley that. I can shower him with the promise that no matter what we face in this world, I will be there by his side, and when I'm not by his side, I'll always be the love he carries in his heart.

I am so blessed to have the privilege of being this young man's Mom.

My Daddy...

2008-12-10T11:21:00.004-05:00

In coming to the anniversary of my Dad's death I am faced with a lot of emotions. I had so much that I wanted for him, and so much that I know he wanted for the boys (Brad and Logan). It was such a loss to to let him go and through out this year I have faced more tragedy than I ever thought was possible.

The beautiful thing about life is that it is as resilient as it is delicate. I have learned to value each moment and appreciate the ability to tell those around me how much I truly care for them. My Dad taught me so many things while he was dying. He was the type of person that never complained about what was to come. He just enjoyed the time he had. Was he scared? Sure he was, he was human after all, but he was dignified and humble. Qualities that he made sure his children understood.

My Dad loved my son with every ounce of his being. It is hard sometimes to think that Bradley may not remember him because he was just over 2 years old when he passed, but I know that in the long run, my son will be touched by having spent the time with him that he did. See, family is not just somewhere to run when the going gets tough. Family is the people that are there with you every single day. The ones who share the beautiful things around you. The hard times. The moments that are near and dear to your heart. Family comes in all shapes and sizes and a family can be with whomever you make it with, not just your blood.

I love family. I love knowing that I have family all around me and all over the country. I love to help people and care for them when others have failed to. I love to give others that feeling of being wanted because I know how much it can help during the hard times. I love these things because I have felt them first hand. The kindness of a stranger. The touch of a loved one. The smile of a child. The Grace of God. It's just so incredible to have that and know that it's there.

My Dad was a quiet man, but he was a faithful and loving man. He loved God. He loved his children. He loved my Mom. He loved. That is what I want to remember him for as the anniversary of his death approaches and the holidays are among us. I'll always remember lying with him under my Christmas tree. It's one of my very first memories and I'm thankful to have had him as long as I did. God blessed me.

How could a person just forget about their child?

2008-12-10T10:27:00.004-05:00

This is something that I am having a VERY hard time understanding or even wrapping my mind around. It has been FIVE days since Bradley's dad has seen him or made any attempt to contact him. It went from my son seeing his Dad every day of his life down to his Dad not even having the heart to call his son. The reason I got yesterday was, "I dont' want to hear your voice." That's nice. Really mature and adult like.

Here's the reality of it. My ex is going to have to hear my voice for the rest of my child's life. To cut off communication with your child because it's connected with someone you do not like is just WAY past my understanding. This man has time to set up his Facebook account and invite my best friend, but he doesn't have the time to call his own flesh and blood. That's GREAT.

I have to laugh at him. Why would you want to be friends with MY friends? Hrmmm. Sorry buddy, she called me and told me that what you said and did, you can wait to be deleted now.

It is what it is. I personally LOVE every moment that I spend with this beautiful, healthy, vibrant little boy. I am so blessed that he looks just like me and has such a kind heart. That I thank the Lord for every day.

Cute, Cute, Cute!!!

2008-12-08T10:59:00.014-05:00

So, I don't know if any of you have noticed, but I have a little boy, and his name is Bradley. I love this kid more than anything in the world. I have been so blessed to stay home with him as long as I have and I say that because each day he changes and becomes more of a person. The level of "fun factor" just grows with each day with him.

Yesterday, we cleaned up the yard. It was hard work, but so much fun! Brad decided that every pile that was nicely raked into a circle would deserve a flying ninja leap into it. The belly laughs that come out of my child are soooo addicting. It's like once you hear that beautiful sound, you will continue to do whatever it takes to keep making him laugh, lol. I'm so weak.

Side note: Ummm, when did my kid turn into a little boy?

Oh and he winks now... be still my heart.

When he was playing in the leaves, he just laughed and laughed and laughed. He was totally showing off for everyone which was the funniest part. He made me laugh so hard a couple of times I had tears in my eyes!

The leaves were a little tough to get out of, but he managed!

It was a good day and my baby was so happy, life is good. Life is really good.

Brown Sugar + Maggie = Big Laughs for Bradley

2008-12-05T11:55:00.003-05:00

So I've had some issues with Bradley pouring things INTO our Labrador, Maggie's, crate. He really loves to pour salt all over her and say, "It's SNOWING, Mommy!" However, since I put the salt and pepper shakers up in the cabinet, he's been doing well.

Fast-forward to last night. Brad and I are getting in from our dinner party with family. I'm trying to get all of his stuff put up and I go into his room to pick out his pj's. I hear the giggles and think he's just talking to her. The giggles then transform into true belly laughs and I immediately think, "oh, NO!"

I come out of his room, walk around the corner, and there he is... sprinkling Brown Sugar all into Maggie's crate! ACK! Maggie didn't mind this one, she was licking like a mad woman, but STILL, lol! I took the bag from him, which was my mistake for placing it on the bottom shelf of our pantry, and then had to take Maggie outside and brush her off and then get Brad cleaned up. Then came the crate. Apparently, dog slobber and brown sugar forms this type of GLUE. Man, that stuff was really in there, lol. It took me a while to get it all out and I did make Bradley help with the sweeping, which he thought was great. He sang the "Team Work" song the whole time he was sweeping, lol. It was really hard not to laugh at him, but I managed to either pull my shirt over my face or just not watch to much.

You have to love a THREE year old, lol. Never know what will happen next!

Another GOOD Day...

2008-12-04T21:26:00.003-05:00

I really love a good day. Today was good. It was nice and calm and relaxed, all day. I mean, from beginning to end, it was peaceful. I really have not felt that in a while. I smiled pretty much all day. I laughed all day. I had great company with my little man, and then we went to the park in the afternoon. Finally, we had dinner at my Aunt's house and the food was delicious, the company full of laughs. Brad and I just had a fantastic day.

Then, one of my childhood best friends called me tonight and I got to talk to her forever. It was just a really good day! I'll take it, lol! Oh, and my SIL did my hair for me for Christmas. Here's a quick picture!

Decorating with Bradley...

2008-12-04T08:07:00.003-05:00

Decorating for Christmas with my son has been so much fun. This little boy is really getting into the spirit this year, lol! Besides the fact that we had about 3 ornaments on one limb and 3 candy canes per limb and ALL the decorations are pretty much on the bottom half of the tree, he did GREAT!

One of the funniest parts of the whole thing was Brad going and getting his wheel barrow so he could cart the candy canes from either the big tree or his own little tree. He would say, "ummm, I think we go to big tree now, Mommy." and then off he would go pushing his barrow of candy canes. We did have about three candy canes that didn't make the cut, but luckily for me, none of those were eaten because I did not let on that they were edible, lol. I really did not want that to start with so many days left until Christmas, lol!

Next up, Ginger Bread Men!!! Yay, I am so stoked about this. My Grandma gave me HER cookie cutters and recipe from when I was little. This is such a fun thing for me and now Brad and I are going to get to carry on the tradition... how cool?!? We will see how they turn out and I promise to take pictures!

Don't read if you do not want to hear the truth.

2008-12-03T15:36:00.002-05:00

My blog is and always will remain my platform to discussing things that are going on in my life. If you do not want to SEE or READ these things, than do not waste your time in coming here. This blog is far more than one thing, it includes my son, my real feelings, and all the other things in between.

This place, this piece of my journalism, is how I work. I will not apologize or be made to feel bad for speaking my mind. I have always been a writer and that is how I personally express myself. With that being said... I do truly enjoy each of you who come for the right reasons, for you and for all of the family who continue to support me, thank you, I love you very much, and greatly appreciate you.

Best Wishes,

Stephanie

Concentrate on this Sentence.

2008-12-03T14:43:00.002-05:00

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence... 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'

I received this today and thought about the significance of the meaning for a while. How profound to be given such inspiration during this hard time. It made me smile to think about my future with my son.

I have often been asked over the past year HOW I have been able to endure and continue on with a positive attitude and a smile. Well, I believe this truly explains how and why... with Great Faith, comes understanding that I will be okay. I am not perfect, I am not always strong, but I am still ME.

I do not trust you.

2008-12-02T21:16:00.002-05:00

Your words mean nothing to me. Your lies speak of your true character. My son will be raised better. He will be raised to value life, love, and others feelings. He will see the difference in a life of no faith and that of the hand of God. That even though today is hard, tomorrow holds the world at his finger tips.

I've been left to explain this all to a 3 year old boy. A child. An innocent little one who wants nothing more in this world than love, affection, and the certainty that he is safe and wanted. I have given him that. I am asked every night if, "Mommy will you ever leave me? Will you keep me safe?" and every time the words stumble off the tip of his tongue I am stabbed in the heart. It is crushing to see those huge brown eyes begging me for certainty. I pick him up and hug him... I tell him, "Bradley, you are loved, you are safe, and Mommy will always be here."

I am the one who is clearing his path. I am the one who is rebuilding his world every single time you leave from one of your brief visits. I am the one who wipes those tears away and it angers me. I can take whatever you bring to me, but my child does not deserve this pain. He deserves to believe this world is made of rainbows and puppy dogs, because far to soon he will no longer have the joy of his fearless childhood. How can a person do this to their family?

It must be easy having no responsibility or accountability. It must be nice to walk out and just start over. It must be what you wanted for a long time because you kissed my face and told me you loved me in the morning and by 6PM your belongings were gone. That is not a man. That is not someone I want in my life and I failed to thank you for showing me your true colors. Thank you. I needed to see that my world was a lie. That my home was just a house and the man holding my hand was a fake. I deserved far better.

I will be polite. I will be kind. I will not say harsh words about your character to my child. I will continue to tell him that you love him. I will do all of these things because I am and always will be a mother first and what is best for my child is what is best for me. You should have been a better man.

I've got a Climber!

2008-12-02T08:29:00.003-05:00

ACK!!! Bradley is the most fearless child I have ever met. He climbs just to jump off of things and sometimes I just wince in fear of the landing, but he's so fast! Then there are moments like these where I find him and then go and get the camera, lol.

If you look close enough, you can see he even took his sippy-cup up there! What in the world, kid! He's such a BOY!

It's December!

2008-12-01T07:16:00.002-05:00

Thank the Lord above that I made it till December, lol. I was not sure there for a while if I would survive all of this stress, but I am! I have a lot of changes coming my way still, but I feel like this huge weight has been lifted from me. A new year is coming! A new beginning! I love it!

I have a perfect little boy that wakes me up most mornings. I have my health. I have my laughter and best of all, I still have all the great little things that makes up me. I'm happy today! Oh, and I have some absolutely ADORABLE video of Brad to share from last night too, I just have to figure it out, lol.

Pride.

2008-11-30T10:23:00.003-05:00

I cannot imagine not taking pride in myself. A woman of no worth, of no value, of no dignity. I've been introduced to such a person in my personal life and I am floored that people of this nature exist... especially a woman.

What wasted time to concern oneself of a person of such little self-worth. However, this person is so hell bent on intruding herself that she will not stop. What do you do with a person and situation such as this? How can you ignore someone that will not go away? It's like the lowest-low-life-of-all-low-life's. A loser does not even cover what this person is.

I have to laugh at this person because I was raised with self respect, with a good heart, with love and compassion. Not to lie and deceive. Not to bring problems or hate to others lives. I'm just amazed by this.

Is it jealousy? It must be something of that nature because my life is after all far better. What a shame. What a waste of a soul. I'll pray for this person.

I watched you leave today...

2008-11-29T15:11:00.003-05:00

I watched you leave in the rain. I watched the better part of my adult life walk away with you. I watched with a heavy heart, but I also know that I cannot change someone. I watched my anger and hurt walk away with you and felt the Lords hand on my heart.

I would change the world to have my life back, but I will walk this road because I am a forgiving person. I know in my heart and in God's promise that I will see a brighter tomorrow. I wish I could destroy the wall that has been built, but I know I could never do that alone. I do know that I am strong, loving, and while this year has been the longest of my life, I will rebuild.

I had hoped it would all have been different.

What is Death?

2008-11-17T18:42:00.003-05:00

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without affect,
without the trace of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolutely unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you,
for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just around the corner.

All is well.

- Henry Scott Holland

----------------------------

My Pop passed away Saturday morning at 5AM. I sat with him as I sat with his son (My Dad) in January of this year... Holding his hand and smiling at him while he drew his last breath. It was beautiful and I am blessed.

I am saddened that I have let go of two of the most beautiful people in my life in only 10 short months. It is hard, but I have a great faith.

If you have a moment, please say a prayer and send some thoughts my way. I will be okay, but my Grandmother has lost her son AND her husband in less than a year. It is hard and my heart hurts for her. Just think of me.

Brad reminds me so much of....

2008-11-16T21:43:00.002-05:00

well.... me. It's just crazy to look at someone and see so much of yourself looking back.

Note to SELF...

2008-11-16T13:09:00.002-05:00

Do NOT let your three year old take the dog outside when it's raining... EVER again. Even if he says he will stand on the porch and "just watch" ... he is lying and he will go and run in the rain and then belly slide on the wet grass. This will ALL occur in the amount of time it takes you to find your "other" flip-flop from under the couch. Trust me. He ended up with a bath at 10AM.

I'm going back to work.

2008-11-02T19:01:00.002-05:00

I am filled with many emotions right now. I am GLAD I will have my independence back. I am glad I will have health insurance again. I am glad I will contribute monetarily to my family again. I am glad that Brad will start school and in turn work on areas that maybe I was a little slack on (aka his education). I am glad that I will have a regular routine and just have this part of our lives back to normal, as I have been home since March.

I am SAD that I will not spend my days with my little boy anymore. I am sad that I will not have that one on one time like I have. Staying home with Bradley has been the MOST rewarding thing I have ever done in my life and I know all the wonderful moments I have tucked away in my soul will keep me company, but man do I NOT like change. I look at this little boys smile and my world is right. I hear him call me from the living room and I'm only steps away. Now I will be down town at the Capital. What if he needs something, lol?

I am also sad that I will not be as readily available if my Dad's parents need me. I have spent the last 8 months traveling from my town to their town several times a week and to prove it I have put over 16, 000 miles on my new vehicle since I bought it in January. I have had so many moments where I was so thankful that I was not working and able to be with them and it all just seems so sudden. My Grandfather is on Hospice and we were told last week that he probably has about 3 weeks left. How is my heart suppose to go to work right now? I know, I know, chances like these are few and far between and I suspect I will be just fine once I get to work, but this week of getting everything settled is not going to be easy.

Wish me luck!

I love you.

2008-10-05T13:09:00.004-04:00

I don't talk about my husband enough or mention the amount of love that he gives, but he walks around with my heart every day. He works hard and supports our family and loves our son with the dedication of a million solders and still he has more to give.

He laughs at me when I talk to much and still he gets my jokes when most don't. He loves to love me and those are the great things life is made of. Sometimes I think I have two kids because he has more toys than our 3 year old, but still it's enough to make me smile.

I've been with my husband since I was 19 and through the years we've grown up together... it's wonderful to have someone who not only knows where I've been, but has walked this path of life with me. When I look at my life with Brian, I can see us old and him still telling me everyday how beautiful I am. It's a good life... It's my life.

Happy Birthday, Big Boy!

2008-09-28T16:59:00.006-04:00

I cannot even fathom that you were once this small. You fit in one arm and had no teeth. You depended on me for everything and boy did you let me know when you needed something. I look back at the last three years and I am in total aw that you have become the amazing little boy that you are. Mommy loves you so much, darling.

When you turned one you could barely walk, actually you had just taken your first step the day before and my heart just burst with excitement for you. I did not know what that freedom would mean or how soon after those first steps you would begin running and jumping, or how much I would miss my little boy being a baby.

Still, you grew... Your second birthday came and with each passing day your vocabulary grew and so did your strong will! My little boy became even more independent and you surprised me with how capable you were at doing all the small things I had always needed to help you with. The moment you said, "love you, Mommy." I thought I would surely die from the pure love that grew in my heart. I didn't though, my heart just grew that much more. Beautiful.

... and now you are THREE. You are so busy exploring life and leaving footprints wherever you may go that you don't even have time to stop and look at the camera, lol. What is a Mommy to do? This year has been your best so far. I love to hear you speak to me and you've held on to your belly laugh like a champ. I'm just so proud to be your Mom.

Darling, keep your smile and your faith close. Trust in yourself enough to know that you are capable of anything you place your mind to. Know that "I love you more than anything in world." I know you are destined for greatness and with so much life ahead of you, I will be right here to watch you through each moment.

Mommy loves you. Keep leaving footprints on the world, someday you will be able to see just how far you have come.

It's an even different type of pain...

2008-09-28T16:00:00.000-04:00

Than before. Time is something that does not seem to take away from the loss of my Dad. Today, in addition to being my son's third birthday, is the anniversary to my father's Liver transplant.

I promised myself I would celebrate Brad's birthday the way he deserved and boy did we ever. We spent the entire weekend at the beach with a ton of his friends and I have never seen my kid so happy. It was totally awesome.

However, I also wanted to pay my respect to my Dad as he was such an incredibly huge part of my life and truly helped mold me into the woman I am today. My Dad was so excited for his transplant and in some way I think it closed a very large chapter in our lives. I know in my heart that there was nothing that a transplant could have done at that point in my Dad's cancer, and I will be forever greatful that my Dad had the courage to give it his all because he taught me so much while he was dying.

Still, the pain is deep. The tears still sting. The laughs are only a memory in my mind and my GOD do I miss his hugs. Here's to a good fight!

Sunday Mornings...

2008-09-21T07:39:00.003-04:00

Sunday mornings are really one of my favorite times of the week. The three of us are usually sleeping in because we know Sunday's are the one day we do NOT have to get up early for work or play. There is just nothing better to me than opening my eyes and seeing my sleeping baby fighting me for my pillow. Well he's not a baby really anymore as he will be 3 a week from today, but he's MY baby either way, lol!

On the rare occasion that I do wake before Brad and Brian, I always try to sneak out and start breakfast. My child has some type of radar though, so once my head lifts from our shared pillow, his eyes fly open... it's the 8Th Wonder of the World. Seriously.

Back to making breakfast. See, I'm sort of a health freak and it sort of makes my husband crazy, but at the same time he's starting to come over to the dark side after seeing how my freakish health ways have had him drop about 12 lbs in the last 3 months. I never forced my eating habits on Brian, it's just something that I do for Bradley and myself. No high fructose corn syrup (it's genetically modified for Pete's Sake!), hydrogenated oils, Monosodium glutamate, or high sodium period. I eat a lot of gluten free foods. Vegetables and certain fruits. I'm just really careful about what I put into my body and my child's body.

Was I always this way, no. It's actually been within the last year that I really started to educate myself about the foods I was eating and I've since really started to fall in love with myself in the process. I've only got this one body and it's important that I take care of it. As far as my son. I WISH my Mom had had this information available to her to really have saved me a lot of heartache growing up. Brad eats just like the rest of us, it's just a different life style for him and hopefully having grown up in an environment full of education about food and exercise he will be able to make educated decisions regarding food and exercise later in his life.

Back to making breakfast, again. On the mornings that I brave getting up before the crowd, I cook and have everything ready when they wake up. A lot of times my husband sort of whimpers because it's not syrup soaked pancakes, but that's alright, not gonna happen, lol. We all end up having a wonderful morning together and by the end of breakfast, I get a "Man, that was delicious Babe!" Yay me!

We're going camping.

2008-09-18T21:05:00.003-04:00

Yes, me in a tent with my three year old and my dear, beautiful husband. ACK. It will be fun though, really, lol. Brian and I always went camping before having Brad, but not so much anymore. I think having a tent set up on the beach with my boys is going to be an adventure either way! We are going with a bunch of other families and there will be kids around Brad's age, so here's hoping that it all goes well!

In other news, Brad has had a wicked stomach bug. It's made him into the saddest little boy I've ever seen. He hates throwing up, almost as much as his Mommy does. He has horrible aim too. BLAH!

Other than that, all is well on the home front.

How are you different than you were 5 years ago?

2008-09-13T09:00:00.001-04:00

This is something that I ponder, How are others different than they were 5, even 10 years ago?

Five years ago I was married. We were so carefree and lived life day to day. It was simple, yet so complex. My husband and I have grown up together. We started dating when we were 18 and 19 years old and married a year later. We have seen each other through everything... EVERYTHING.

Five years ago can seem like a lifetime and then again, just like a blink of the eye. How are you different?

My fears...

2008-09-12T07:28:00.005-04:00

I do not speak often of what this year has brought me. Maybe because if I speak of it, I'll be "that person" or maybe it will be more real than it already has to be for me. Either way, it's been a long year.

For my newer readers, my Dad had a liver transplant almost an entire year ago. Actually, on Brad's birthday, September 28th, it would have been a year. My Dad was my best friend and truly fought an amazing battle. He passed away on January 2nd of this year from cancer. Eight days later my home burned down. My chocolate lab passed away in the fire and still I did not cry. I just stood very still and smiled at people... it was as if I was outside of myself.

I spent so much time trying to figure out how it all happened that I stopped living. I sit at his grave sometimes. I go to talk to him. I go to clear my mind. I go because it's what I have left of him. We rebuilt our home and it is beyond beautiful. We buried Lilly under an oak tree and she now has a beautiful cross over her grave. I have spent this entire year burying my great loves and rebuilding whatever was left that I lost sight of the ability to laugh because of impulse.

In the months that followed my husband and I held on to each other tight. He always says the most off the wall things and it brings me back to reality and my heart just grows with love for him. Still I have fears of going through another long year or "getting the call" after I've left my home and my puppies inside. I try not to let the past jeopardize my love of the future, but sometimes I still have fears.

I think I just admitted that I'm human.

Bradley, smile for me!

2008-09-11T14:17:00.003-04:00

So I asked Brad to smile for me... just one quick picture and I'd be on my way, no biggie, right? Wrong! My drama filled child decided to put on a show and I have been laughing ever since. Enjoy.

Bradley, smile.

Really?

Good gracious child, don't hurt yourself!

Bradley and Logan...

2008-08-30T14:21:00.010-04:00

These two little boys really know how to make their Mommy's laugh so much they either "awww!" themselves sick or need to use the restroom (I've also been witness to such cuteness where both occur). As I mentioned in my previous post, I just *have* to share these adorable pictures we had taken of the boys a few weekends ago!

Brad was in LOVE with the camera this year, where in past, well not so much. It appears it is an age thing, because Logi, he was not such a fan of the camera this year, where before he would have shot Allison (the Photographer) those blue eyes and then pretended to be bashful... it really is to die for when he does it to you, lol!

Can you hear the Ocean?

This is Bradley's "I'm not going to smile." Smile, lol!

These two CRACK ME UP!

It was a lot of fun having Brad and Logi's picture's taken. We always dress them alike, it's something we hope to use against them when they are older, lol.

A Mommy could just cry!

2008-08-23T20:52:00.003-04:00

When did my baby get so big? We had Bradley's pictures taken about two weekends ago. Practically the same time last year. My Sister-In-Law, Amber and I, always take the boys (Brad and Logan) to get their pictures taken several times a year. However, last year was the first year Bradley was big enough to sit on the little white stool by himself unassisted. While I was scanning in this years pictures I found last years pictures and I was just so blown away with how MUCH my baby has grown! It's not possible. Truly, it is almost more than I can bare, lol.

Here just see for yourselves...

Bradley's 2nd Birthday

Bradley's 3rd Birthday

I told you! He is just growing so fast, it's enough to make a Mommy cry over. I do not have a baby anymore!

(The rest of the pictures are tomorrow - plus the pictures of the boys together! OMG, hysterical!)

A year ago today...

2008-08-22T19:01:00.004-04:00

I posted my very first post on this blog! OH MY GOODNESS! I just looked back and realized that it has been an entire year TODAY! I have been working on the makeover and did not even realize the date. Wow, how cool is that, lol?

I feel like I should say something of importance, or something of substance, but that has all left me unfortunately or fortunately for you guys, lol. Either way, here's to another year of my life, hopefully a much happier and much more prosperous year... I can honestly say that my family is in a good place and that's all I could have ever ask for! So I will leave you with an honest look into my every day life, enjoy, heaven knows I do, lol...

Yep he's doing EXACTLY what he looks like he's doing, lol.

I see a real future for him in the world of carpentry, don't you?

Unspectacular...

2008-08-22T14:00:00.005-04:00

Alright Steph, I'm game! I've been tagged to list 6 unspectacular things about myself... (even though this is almost impossible, I will try!)

Stephanie at Blogalicious has passed on the tag, so here are the rules.

1. Link to the person who tagged you (check).

2. Mention the rules on your blog...

3. Alright, List 6 unspectacular quirks (do we have call them that?)

4. Tag 6 bloggers by linking to them on your post. Then commenting to let them know "there it!"

Ok, here goes...

1. I still sleep with a teddy bear. His name is Mr. Bear. He has no eyes, no nose, the stuffing is out of his right arm and to be completely honest he is actually a pretty sad looking bear, but I love him dearly.

2. I twirl my hair.

3. I hate to wash laundry at all. It's like a horrible thorn in my side. I hide it in my Master closet and I go and sit on it and sulk on laundry day because I know it's time. Then I haul it out and divide it into these piles and just get it done. It's like worse then going to the dentist to me, seriously.

4. I love labels. I have a label for EVERYTHING in my office. It makes my husband crazy. He cannot place anything on my desk because if it's not labeled it's not put up right, lol!

5. I want to take dance classes... with my husband.

6. I talk extremely fast. I also have a bit of a southern accent, so if you're not ready for me, this Southern Belle can be a handful, lol!

Now to the tagging:

1. Bev, I believe you need to tell me some unspectacular things. TAG!

2. Amy, you've got kids, laundry, TAG!

3. Katie, can you think of six things? TAG!

4. Britt, you too girl, fess up! TAG!

5. Toni, I know with all your high fashion this will be hard, six things, lol. TAG!

6. Jessi, you've been away to long, TAG!

Blogalicious Designs, ROCK!!!

2008-08-22T13:34:00.002-04:00

Yes, you read that correctly!!! Take a look around my friends. Marvel in the beauty that is my new spread. Stephanie, over at Blogalicious Designs has been working so hard (even to the point she was seeing double the other night, lol) to make my previously drab and ugly blog, BLOGALICIOUS!

I have never worked with a group of such professional and courteous women in my life. They are friendly, timely, hardworking and best of all... TALENTED! So, if you are in need of a fantastic new spread yourself, do not waste another moment! Click on the link below and see what it's all about, you will not regret it. Oh, and tell them Steph sent you!

You may notice some changes...

2008-08-21T19:51:00.009-04:00

So while they are going on, I'll distract you with this cute kid...

My son, Bradley Michael...

My favorite sneaky look.

The forced cheese, oh the fun involved in these, lol.

I love this little boy more than anything in this world. He completes more pieces of my soul than I'd ever have dreamed possible. His third birthday is coming up. We'll see how this one goes - I'm going to take it easy I think. A heart is only so big and mine still needs time to heal.

Their toys just get more expensive with age...

2008-07-06T22:12:00.008-04:00

Brad is in LOVE with cars of all kinds, but particularly Brian's model cars. If Brian will let him hold his cars and sit and play with him, it's just the best thing ever. It's like the kid has been given a free pass in a candy store! Except it's better because Daddy is playing with him and the doors to these cars open and there are little engines in them and some of them even have TRUNKS! Yes, it is really that exciting, people.

They have pile-ups on my new furniture (clearing throat). Their is just nothing better then Daddy reeving the engine to a Mustang and chasing your car down before you crash onto the couch. I'm just second fiddle during the week, what can I say... I'm Mommy.

There was only one itsy-bitsy fatality to one of Daddy's cars... A rear view mirror may have been slammed off during one of the fly-by-sheepings (sheep take flight in our house, it's a sight in and of itself). Brian is still not over it. I told him there was glue. You just never know where those sheep are going to come from... sneaky little suckers!

Brad's veggies are growing!

2008-07-05T14:28:00.006-04:00

Well, after weeks of watering and checking and Bradley saying, "nope, no cu-cumbers, Mommy." It looks like we have a winner! Brad was totally excited to pick his first victim, but not to thrilled to find that it was not refrigerated when he immediately wanted to take it inside and eat it, lol.

It was actually very comical to see the look on Brad's face as he waited patiently for me to cut up his cucumber only to find that it was room temp! He took a few chews and then spit it out. He just looked at me and said, "It ucky Mommy, I want one out of the drawer." He was referring to one of the chilled cucumbers out of the refrigerator drawers, lol. It was pretty funny. He's turning into Farmer Brown!

I'm loving every minute of it!

I'm ALIVE.

2008-07-02T22:02:00.002-04:00

...and I have Internet again, lol! WooHoo! It feels like it's been forever. Heck, it has been forever, lol. All of our electrical problems have been resolved and Comcast came out to our home today and spent SIX hours here trying to get everything straightened out, but it's DONE.

I'm currently sitting in our office typing and I can hear Brian watching TV in our living room... It's actually strangely blissful, you know, seeing how we are not big TV people. I'm thinking it's just so nice to actually have a choice over what we want to watch that Brian is going to continue to sit in the living r0om flipping through the channels just for good measure, lol!

Brad is doing beautifully. He's a little bit Anti-sleep all of a sudden and I have NO clue where that came from, so if any of you beautiful souls would like to offer advice on how you handle that situation, it will be much appreciated, lol!

All in all, we're doing pretty good. BUSY, but well! I hope everyone is doing well too, please update me when you get a chance, I'm going to start reading everyone blogs now, but if you happen to read mine first, please comment, I'd love to hear from you! I've missed you all so much!!!

Love,
Stephanie and Brad

I still do not have internet.

2008-06-10T13:22:00.002-04:00

I still do not have Internet or cable at home, so I'm updating once again at my Mom's house.

They come Friday and to say that I'm excited would be like telling a six year old that they were going to Disney, so lets just say I'M REALLY EXCITED, lol!!!

We are doing good. The house is starting to look lived in, small hand prints on the refrigerator. The movie Cars is often playing in the background while I help finger paint and sing the ABC song with Bradley. I have tons of pictures for you guys, but I'm not here long enough to upload them and sort them to share, so soon... very soon!

I miss posting our daily rambles, because it's so fun to see Brad's world unfold before my eyes. Believe it or not, I have resulted to blogging on paper because it's necessary for me to write daily about him. I guess it will be extra material for those slow days when I get back in the swing of things!

Notes from the toddler:
Brian already set off the house alarm yesterday morning at 4AM letting the puppies out to go potty. The alarm company calls and asks you for your password for a false alarm. Brian couldn't think the alarm was going off. I'm holding the screaming toddler. I deactivate the alarm, give the secret password. Calm the toddler and explain what the loud noise was and Brad looks at me and says, "I don't like the Aladdin. You turn it off." Me, "No Goose, it's an Alarm." Brad, "No Mommy, I no like the Aladdin. Daddy, no work the Aladdin." He then laid his head on my shoulder and I couldn't help but laugh, poor kids going to have ADD when this is all said and done with!

Still here!

2008-06-04T22:31:00.001-04:00

We're still here, just trying to get everything unpacked and settled. I'll be back to full operation shortly. I miss you guys! Please let me know how you are all doing!

Sorry I've been missing!

2008-05-29T16:38:00.002-04:00

These Cable people are wretched. I've been without cable and Internet for almost a week at my house... gulp. I'm currently holding up my Mom's computer to write you this message and I'm thinking of ways to run this mofo back to my house. However, I'd then have to address the 20 miles in-between my home and my parents and then there's that bit about I live in an ENTIRELY different city and there I go with logistics again!

You know what's coming on TV tonight don't you... it's truly the real reason I'm over at my parents house tonight, but don't tell my Mom, lol. So You Think You Can Dance. That's right, I admit it people, I watch the show, so what of it. I've watched it every season ::blush:: now it's sort of an obsession and I bite my nails and call people on the phone and I even recruited my Mom last season. Muahahaha.

I just wanted to say hey and let you all know we were still kicking on the home front and hoping to have some internet soon because I'm going to go crazy without some contact with the outside world soon, lol. Hope all is well with everyone and I'll be back soon (I'll post some pics tomorrow).

Settling into a new rhythm...

2008-05-26T18:21:00.005-04:00

is sometimes hard to do.

I'm a person of very few tears. I've a great big heart and I walk around with a huge smile most days and I almost constantly laugh (either at myself or someone else), but I hadn't cried or shed a single tear since the day my Dad died on January 2nd of this year. I shut down that day and at the time I'm sure I did it to protect myself from such a huge loss. However, in the process of protecting myself I didn't give myself a chance to grieve, I just powered down like a computer and all the pain, the heartache, the real deep anguish that you feel and are suppose to process was never touched, just left unsorted and out of it's files...that is until Saturday night.

If you're new here, a neat little fact about our home is it was once my childhood home and once belonged to my Dad. Brian (my husband) and I purchased our home from my parents a year to the day before it burned (not so neat, but interesting none the less). My home burned only eight days after my Dad passed away this year, so for me there really has not been a chance to grieve or process or sort.

When I pulled up Saturday night it was already dark and the flood lights were on... so was the front porch light, I immediately smiled because it looked like home and it made me feel warm all over. I was tired, no exhausted, from the day so I sat there with my head leaned against my hands and felt my eyes burn for an instant. I got out of the car and remembered to lock the doors (we're no longer in the woods my friends). When I walked in the front door I stopped dead in my tracks, my breath was caught in my throat and I got choked up. I took two, maybe three of those "omg I'm going to cry" short breaths and my hand instantly covered my mouth and my eyes filled with tears and my bag fell to my side. My sweet-sweet husband had gone to my Mom and asked her for a picture of my Dad's. He then brought it home without me knowing and put it up - it's this 3D bronzed picture of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane praying and my father loved this picture. He hung it over this very fire place we were able to save most of my childhood... so for me to walk in the front door and see it there, well that's all she wrote my friends I just lost my marbles.

I have since powered back up, had several really good cries, I'm trying to sort out the past 5 months of loss, which is really hard to do considering it's a lot to take on in one life time let along 5 months, up we're settling in and I love being home.

Pssst, we passed final inspection!

2008-05-23T16:43:00.003-04:00

We're moving home tomorrow BABY!

Actually, if your my husband, your currently loading the grill as I type, but whose really getting into technicalities. It has been a really long day. It started nice and early with my husband notifying me that he failed to set the alarm and I was running late to meet the security people at our house... ACK!

So off I ran brushing my teeth like a mad woman and looking at myself in the mirror thinking there is no way I was EVER going to tame the massive amount of curls I have in time (I must have been fighting someone in my sleep because my hair was all over the place!), plus I heard the puppies waking up, and I just kept thinking... "WHY did this man forget to set the alarm? GAH!!!"

I get the hair in check (by an honest act of GOD himself, no lie), I get dressed, I get the puppies fed, pottied, I get all the things a Mom must do done in like 15 minutes SOME HOW and I do this in a RAIN STORM. It's down pouring on me... and did I mention that I have curly hair? Why me? Why? Alright so we're haul tailing it out of the house running late thinking this just is not working out and I crank up the car ... ding, ding, ding ... CRAP!!! I forgot to get gas yesterday! Seriously, I knew I should have just stopped on the way home and filled up, but no I did not do that, I was tired and I came home.

After stopping and filling up because I must ride until I'm completely out of gas for some reason - I was twenty minutes late getting to the house. I pull in all frazzled to the bone.... walk in ask Zack where the security company is and his response...

"Oh, Brian didn't tell you, they aren't suppose to be here until 9:00."

I'm still not over it. I waited the extra 40 minutes, lol. The prank I will pull on my husband will sting for sure and when he least expects it!

I love to EMBARASS these two.

2008-05-22T14:47:00.003-04:00

It's true. I spend my days thinking of ways to cause these two total humiliation... it builds character! My Dad did it to me and my brother and I'm a strong human being for it! And sadly, my Dad is no longer here to inflict this type of ridicule on these two and build that "OMG, NO-NO, Lord, please tell me I'm not related to these people!" relationship, so I've willingly taken on the responsibility, lol.

I just so happen to have captured a true moment after totally reinforcing a "WHY ME, God?" moment and thought you all might enjoy it. I know I've done nothing but laugh constantly since taking the photo. Especially looking at my darling nephews face (that is if you can get past my sons expression), Logan seems to be saying, "She's your Mom, dude." PRICELESS! I just love it.

Our home is beautiful.

2008-05-22T07:35:00.003-04:00

Absolutely beautiful. Last night I was actually able to go after dark seeing how we now have this modern marvel called ELECTRICITY in the house again, lol. Oh man, let me just say this, having power really does make a world of difference and the lighting is amazing!

I walked into my closet, stretched out my arms and twirled around like I was soaking in the rays of the sun except, by my own admission, I was basking in the rays of 60w energy efficient bulbs. It was a real moment for me, lol. I then sat on the floor with the biggest shit-grin ever.

I've now come to yet another cross-road. Where did all this stuff at my Mom's come from? Now I know where all of Bradley's stuff came from - it came from so many of my wonderful friends who clothed and gave my baby toys immediately following the fire, and I'll truly be forever thankful for all of you, seriously I'm so thankful. I'm now talking about the rest of it - the odds and ends. I guess I figured if I walked out of my house the day of the fire with only the clothes on my back I'd walk back in that way? Sure I know I've acquired a few things, but I just didn't realize how much stuff you pick up over 5 months, lol. I NEED boxes at this point. Boxes! Really? It's gotten to the point that we need boxes? Blah!

I know this all sounds so mundane to someone just walking in, but I'm so done with all of this. I just want to GO HOME. I've been out of my home since January 10th, 2008. I want the furniture people to show up at my house first thing on Saturday morning with a crew of workers and be done by Noon so we can unpack and relax Saturday evening. I know this is all some crazy hypothetical world of which I live, because we all know it doesn't work that way in Stephanie's world, but dadgum if I'm not going to dream about it, lol!

TWO DAYS people, TWO DAYS!

THREE days and counting....

2008-05-21T13:41:00.002-04:00

I cannot believe I'm moving home in three days. It seems surreal. It seems like a day dream. It gives my stomach those butterflies and my face this ever present smile. It gives me this pep in my step that I haven't seen since god only knows when. It makes me want to break out in song and we don't want that because well... I cannot sing.

It's all set my friends. The furniture is being delivered. The cable turned on. The power is already on, so you know the workers who are doing the final touches are LOVING that seeing how it's almost 90 degrees here in Florida today.

The only problem I'm having is my baby doesn't want to go home, lol. That's right, Bradley wants us to stay and live here with MiMi, lol. Life is good for the 2.5 year old at his Grandma's house. He has about 3 acres of land to ride his John Deer on all day. He gardens. He swims. He digs in the dirt and builds sand castles with his Mommy and MiMi. He has his two favorite women's undivided attention at all hours of the day (and night if he so chooses) and he's just not wanting to give that up. He lives a very exciting life and he loves it. I've tried to explain that it will be very similar, just we will come and visit MiMi instead of living with her once we move home, but it's a no-go still. I'm thinking this is going to be a bit more challenging than I had previously anticipated.

A day at the Park

2008-05-20T07:50:00.015-04:00

Sunday Brad and I went to the Park with my brother Nic, my sil Amber, my nephew Logan, Grammy Kim, my nephew Jay, my brother's friend Jeremiah, his wife Katie and their son Wesley. It was so much fun and a great way to burn off energy for four little boys, lol.

Bradley loved this thing. He is the little red dot in the middle of all the tubing, lol.

It did not matter how many times I asked him to look at me he wouldn't. Stinker.

You would think this would hurt their knees...NOPE.

This cracked Amber and I up. All the kids were being swung by their Dad's or in Bradley's case, his uncle. When she was walking back from the car towards the swings all she saw were kids being swung really high, and she thought, "wow, that's odd." Then she got closer and saw ALL the kids were being pushed by Dads, lol. Of course a Dad would power swing their kid, lol. I'll admit the boys did *love* it, lol.

Jay was so fascinated by these power wheel cars, I thought he was going to take off with them, lol.

Wes was still tired from nap when I took this photo, but he was in love with the turtles later!

Logan, Aunt Amber, and Brad are off to see the Turtles!

Brad's not so sure!

"Tuwtles, Mommy!"

Why the serious face?

2008-05-16T09:24:00.002-04:00

Brad has been known for his serious face practically since birth. He is a "watcher" and loves to observe the world as it happens. In the process of observing the world he always gets this serious look on his face and I just want to eat him up each time I see it. I had to share it with you guys because it truly captures my baby's face... that and I'm pretty sure his Grandmother would wish me bodily harm if I denied her such a photo, lol.

Gardening: Bradley Style

2008-05-15T15:10:00.008-04:00

We have spent the past few weeks working in the gardens clearing out debris, planting beautiful flowers, herbs and veggies, and let me just tell you, Bradley LOVES it. I think all little kids enjoy digging and rolling around in the dirt, but man ole' man does Brad love it!

Last week we planted cucumbers. I always try to do any form of gardening either first thing in the morning or later in the afternoon so it's cool enough outside to enjoy the activity without passing out from a heat stroke. Brad enjoys the outdoors so much I was barely able to tell him what we were going to be doing outside before he had himself fully dressed (please note outfit) and was ready to head out, lol!

First, we had to clear out a stretch of soil for our baby cucumbers to be planted and mix in the "good stuff" (potting soil) so they would grow big and strong like my Smidge one day (side note: I love how becoming a parent has enabled me to speak to all man kind like they are idiots and fully incapable of understanding what the potting soil would do for the cucumbers over time, I apologize.)

Here Bradley is helping MiMi mix the soil.

Next, we had to dig holes with all three of our shovels. This process was necessary (per the toddler) as we were uncertain how big of a scoop/hole would be needed to assure our baby cucumbers would have the perfect home in their new garden.

Bradley and MiMi work very well together. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my Mom has a great deal of patients and while I do too, her patience level is right up there at saint level. Do to her gift, I often cheer from the side line and take pictures once I get dirt thrown on me.

Brad's interest started to dwindle quickly at the end, so MiMi being the trooper she is finished the job while Bradley and I both sat on the side lines and watched. Actually, I took pictures while Brad ran around like a wild child.

The finished project turned out beautifully. We should have some yummy cucumbers in no time at all. Brad has been watering these puppies daily, which I'm hoping teaches him the whole "nurturing" aspect of life. We shall see.

Long Day...

2008-05-12T22:45:00.002-04:00

Whew, it has been a very long day. When I am 90 years old, my son and his children had better take care of me and not stick me in some home, that's all I'm saying. Carry on.

"Mommies are good for...

2008-05-11T11:16:00.004-04:00

lots of Neat things,

like kissing your boo-boos

and pushing slow swings.

For fixing you breakfast.

For hugging you tight.

And for reading your

Favorite story just right.

For making you Smile

(when you feel like a pout).

And for knowing exactly

what Love's all about...

Yep, mommies are good

for a whole lot, it's true.

And No mommy's better for me...

than you.

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!

XOXOXO

Brad"

(I'm in love with this kid. I'm not sure if it was the crayola scribbled card, the balloon or the oatmeal covered kiss that did it, but so far it's been a wonderful Mother's day. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Mommy Day too!)

House fire: We're going home...

2008-05-10T11:59:00.006-04:00

As of May 23rd, we will be moving home. That's right my friends... May 23rd, 2008, is official "Operation Move Home.". Wooohoooo!!!! Can you tell I'm excited? Just a little? My family will finally be going home after four months of living in wait and it feels good to know we are only 13 days away from moving back into our home.

It looks so beautiful and I am so happy. I know tomorrow is going to be a crazy day since it's Mother's day and we have such a crazy day planned, but I have pictures to post for you guys, drop by if you get a moment and I'll post some pictures for you guys.

I hope everyone has a nice weekend and I'll see you all on Monday!

No Parents allowed!!!

2008-05-08T10:52:00.003-04:00

Yesterday afternoon, Brad and I went and met my SIL, my brother, and my nephew Logan at this really cool place here in town called Zoinks! This place is awesome - they have huge air jumpers, video games, they have a TV lounge area for I'm guessing either older kids or dad's because that section had my husband's name written all over it.

They require you take your shoes off and you must wear socks on all the jumpers, that's the rule. These huge, massive, to the ceiling jumpers are obviously not your every day air jumpers, they actually have stairs you have to almost scale to get to the top, but my fearless child HAD to go and make it to the top of all of them and then slide down. The first two or three times on the sky high slides, either my SIL or myself would slide down with the boys, but within no time flat they were screaming and running around like wild men. It was cute.

This place really does have a nice set up and they have a pretty cool security system in place as well. Each child that goes in, must be accompanied by an adult. The parent/adult and child are then paired up with a matching coded wrist band. Your wrist bands are then checked before you and your smidge can leave after playing. My only thing about the wrist bands... My kid does not like anything attached to his body - thank heavens these people were cool and let me attach it to his back belt loop because it was not going down any other way, lol.

So after a very fun afternoon filled with jumpers and me climbing enough mountains with my 30 lb toddler glued to my body to certify my soreness this morning we all packed it up and went next door for dinner at Applebees. On the way out I see a sign, "Jumpers are for children only, no parents allowed!"

Note from the toddler:
"Hey Mommy, I've got Nickles!" Brad a.k.a. Smidge
"You have money?" Me
"No, nickles, mommy!" Brad
::blink:: ::blink:: <--- Mommy
"Mommy, I have nickles." Brad says as he points his arm.
He was trying to say freckles. Freckles, not nickels.
"Ohhhhh, you have freckles, lol!" Me

Is that a siren?

2008-05-07T10:49:00.002-04:00

Part of staying with my Mom at my parents means we are out in the middle of NO-WHERE. Sorry, I get a little ahhh about being out in the woods. There are crickets out here and lots of grass, sunshine, endless dirt castles to build... it's nice.

We were at our house over the weekend working in the yard because we try to keep everything up to speed so we don't get back in the house only to have some crazy yard. So even though we are still not able to live in our house, we still work in the yard (it keeps us focused, lol). Well, over the weekend I'm standing in the yard with Brad and hear the Sirens from a cop car or maybe an ambulance, I cannot remember, but I do remember being so calmed and happy to HEAR the sounds of the city around me, lol.

I did NOT realize how quiet it was out here at my parents until I went back home and found how normal it was to hear people on the streets at all hours and listening to the college kids screaming and having the times of their lives because they were graduating. I just love living in town... I miss it!

Note about the toddler: Do you think it's normal that Brad does not remember living in the house before the fire? It's only been a few months and he now calls it his "new house" - strange, no? Maybe he's just mixing up all the stages because he's young (a little over 2 and half years old.)

On ward and up ward...

2008-05-06T08:34:00.002-04:00

We are so close to being finished on our home (thank, Gawwwd!). They are finishing the small stuff at this point, air vents, light covers, electrical outlet covers... you NEEEED these with toddlers, they can stick a quarter in anything.
The flooring is being installed this week and I am so excited I am getting butterflies just thinking about it (ahhhhh). After the fire, it all seemed completely impossible to get through, the thought of losing all of my belongings and material possessions was devistating and daunting, but as we approach the final few weeks I find myself giggling and light heart (could this be, could *I* be light hearted and gasp, giggle). It's true, I am, I am feeling good and I like it.

On a more toddler note, does anyone know how to keep a kid from eating their boogers? I know this is totally gross and trust me, my stomach screams, "ACK!" every time I catch my son doing this, but what in the world am I to do? He thinks it's funny. I've tried to explain that besides the fact that it is so beyond disgusting, it's full of bacteria and socially unacceptable. Ideas? Thoughts? Help me. Please.

If I tell you a secret, can you keep it?

2008-05-04T12:28:00.002-04:00

My husband, my best friend, he is officially my next target. He is going to let me take his picture... This is really huge, because while I may constantly have enough camera equipment on me or in my car to shoot whatever comes our way, I've never done a shoot of just him.

It means he trusts me and my work, go figure. So, what I'm thinking of is jeans, white collar shirt, half buttoned, messy hair. Bri, he has beautiful auburn hair and stunning green eyes. He has amazing strong facial structure and he is so hansom. I'm going with a Black and White style shot, that way I can really grab all of his amazing qualities and wrap him up in a picture for all time. Yummm.

I do have a question, maybe a possible complaint (or two). Why are men given the ability to STILL have a six-pack, toned arms, toned legs AND killer smile after I've birthed my child? There is something seriously wrong with the universe here. I think if my body should have to be any different at all after having my son, Brian's should too. Only seems fair to me, don't you agree? Good. Wonderful. I knew you would. I'm going to take this up with him after our photo shoot. I need to have this discussion outside of my brain with him because it's simply unfair.

Why yes, please pour my patio today.

2008-05-01T11:06:00.003-04:00

Whoot. Whoot.

So, some of you may remember last summer when my husband and I ventured into tearing up our back deck and decided that we were cement experts and could absolutely do the job by ourselves *bullshit*, excuse me.

Well, my husband tore the deck down while Brad and I ate ice cream and watched him (it was WAY to hot for manual labor), plus Brad was not even 2 years old at the time and for some reason toddlers are magnets to rusty nails and chain saws... go figure. So toddlers require constant watching, constant. They wander easily, they are a lot like puppies, except you cannot crate them... there are laws... I'm certain, we live in Florida. That's not to say toddlers do not want to crawl into puppy crates and make forts, that would be their own free will, but you cannot crate them. Cannot say the fort idea is a good idea either, it just sounds creepy.

Back to the porch. Professionals are coming today! Yay, thank you, Jesus. They are coming to make my back yard beautiful. It will be perfect. It will be handled as it should have been back in July, by professionals, not cement experts. Sweet.

Appliances and Floors...

2008-04-30T11:59:00.003-04:00

Our appliances will be delivered and installed on this Friday (yay, me). Then, our flooring starts being installed on Monday... That would be the hard woods and we will have carpet in the office and Bradley's bedroom. I'm so excited.

Now my next question is, when do I get to go home? I am willing to live in a little uproar if I can go home. Our furniture is scheduled for delivery of May 15th, but I'm hoping we get to move that date up. My home is so close to completion and I truly owe the world to a very dear friend of mines husband, Jon. There is a group of us that have been friends, literally since the crib - Shelli, Audra, Dana and myself have known each other from dates ranging as far back as nine months old.

I called Audra, who I call AJ, the weekend of the fire in total shock and her husband, Jon has lead this path and all of our crazy rebuild with such kindness. I'll be forever grateful. Truly, just forever in my heart, grateful. Thank you guys so very much. We appreciate all that you have done.

I'd also like to be her...

2008-04-30T07:39:00.003-04:00

Priss-pants here flies under the radar a lot because she's very petite and not quite so loud as her fair-haired sister, Daisy. Maggie does not eat near the amount cat liter or have the hyper-active bladder her sister does, so she really brings a lot of love and apparently there would be extra sleep as well in my life, but there is still her hyper-active bladdered sister to attend to.

Maggie reminds me so much of Lilly, it's incredible. She is so quiet for the most part. Always with me. Really loves my baby even though my baby picks her by the neck... a lot because, well truth be told, two year olds really have no filter at this point in their lives. So picking a puppy dog or two up by the head is all in a days work, see.

Maggie takes excruciatingly long naps and her favorite sound is the sound of her dog food bowl cackling with her sister's, which is surprisingly similar to myself and well anything you are eating so Maggie and I are apparently soul mates in that aspect. I'm going to eat breakfast now. It's 8:15 and I'm hungry now.

I've decided that I need this

2008-04-29T07:34:00.003-04:00

type of simplicity in my life.

I want to be Daisy when I grow up. I want to take ungodly long naps and for it be okay that I have puppy breath. I want to grunt because I'm fat and bothered when people poke at me. I want to be so darn cute its exhausting.

I've been missing.

2008-04-28T21:10:00.003-04:00

I have been missing for a few days. I apologize. I received several harassing phone calls and emails of which threats were made to my little dogs... okay fine, I made up the little dog part, but I did receive voice mails and emails which I really appreciate. I'm glad *SOMEONE* noticed I'd fallen off the face of the earth because the only thing Husband said was, "Hey Babe, you're still in your PJ's and it's like Sunday."

So maybe I should rewind a bit huh? Truth is, I have migraines and Friday, after many a hour of unfriendly fire (puking) I had to go to the hospital and they kept me (turds). Those suckers stuck me in the arm and I don't like needles... so I said, "Sally, please don't stick me in the..." and I don't remember anything else. Seriously. If I have spoken to you or watched your child, sorry Bro, I don't remember. So lets say from Friday around 10AM till this morning around 5:45AM when Brad woke me up asking for juice, I've got nothing. I remember a brief conversation with Bev yesterday where I tried to act normal and she totally called me out on it and asked me if I was "on something" and I lied and said I was fine... it had been 2 days how in the WORLD could I still be loaded?

So, that's what happened. The hospital gave me fluids and liquid crack... no clue what it was, but I slept for three days and thank GOD for my Mom because she fed and clothed my child. I have no clue if I even ate... no that's a lie too there's an entire bag of marsh mellows that are empty, so apparently you can survive on marsh mellows and crack for 72 hours. Forgive me. I do feel much better. I think I went to Lowes on Saturday and picked out appliances with our contractor, so I'm really freaked out because I've got no clue what I picked... Jason, please tell them it was not my fault. I really should not have been allowed out of the house.

"Where is Daisy?"

2008-04-28T08:00:00.002-04:00

"I dunno." This a true statement for a two-and-a-half-year-old.

"Could you look for her?" I'm sort of bossy...in the morning wink-wink

Cue small child turning head in both directions looking for our blond lab, daisy... "nope, I don't sthee her."

"Kid, you totally didn't even move to look for her. I meant leave the current location of which you are standing and see if you can find our puppy."

---5 minute interlude---

"Here she is Mommy! She's eating stuff."

"She's eating?" (What is really going through my mind is I just fed them.)

"Yes Mommy, she's eating the stuff out of the box."

"What...ACK! Don't touch it."

It was kitty litter. The dog was eating cat shit...er, I mean playing in the kitty litter.

I'm up...

2008-04-22T06:38:00.003-04:00

but strangely no one else is. This is different. I woke up fully rested and almost peppy at some god awful hour, I think around 5:45AM. Does this mean I'm getting old? Oh god. Please! Please don't tell me this means I'm getting old and soon I will be humming "Time to get up in the morning" while wondering through the halls to find my fuzzy pink slippers and then cascade my frail body on the back porch to watch the sun rise. Please doc, say it ain't so!

Oh wait, I already do that, lol... hrrrm. Well of course I "do that" minus the singing part, there is simply no reason to punish small children for my broken record of a voice. I just start walking around turning on lights. Hell, if I'm up, we all must pay the price. Except the toddler, the toddler is allowed to sleep as long as he wants because for reasons that shall remain unspoken, I'M the one who has to fulfill his endless list of wants and needs at whatever bloody hour he wakes. So the baby sleeps. Everybody else, you're up!

I spoke to soon. Puppies. Puppies still demand on running full speed into any form of wall/door and would you believe, the sound of such banging just woke my toddler. So far he's managed to tell me that we have bad dooowgs, he's starving, wants breakfasth (we sort of have a lisp), and milk. It's been 15 seconds. It's going to be a good day.

House Rebuild: Cabinets and Tile... yummy

2008-04-21T12:42:00.006-04:00

This past week there was a TON of progress made on our home. We are currently sitting at 65% of our 100% rebuild and the closer we creep to completion the larger my smile becomes. It's absolutely beautiful. The cabinets and tile really do accent each other beautifully. In all seriousness, I love them both so much I've contemplated taking a blow up mattress to the house and sleeping in the kitchen... sigh... I will love them even more once the granite counter tops are installed... sigh... again.

How about some pictures so you can "sigh" with me and enjoy my kitchen and bathrooms? Good, glad you would like to see them... Now, please be kind, Brian took these pictures, lol.

Here is the kitchen now.

Here are some of the upper/lower cabinets.

This is what it looks like with the tile.

and here is my bathroom.

Everything is still being adjusted and add/taken away, but it looks soooo good. We have an open floor plan, so even with the dark counters, it does not shrink our house. I am just thrilled. Do you like it? The tile in the kitchen is 20x20 and the bathroom tiles are 18x18, so they are all pretty big tiles. I'm in love.

Potty Training: Part. ummm..1,000,000, maybe?

2008-04-18T21:08:00.003-04:00

Man, there are a few things in this world that really compare to me and the veracity of which I despise potty training. Really... Seriously... Honestly... HOW can one little boy need to pee every 15 minutes?

If I had had to run into the bathroom with Brad and give him one more theatrical spectacular (a la Potty Dance) today, I very well may have lost the few remaining marbles I have.

Now, with that being said... Bradley absolutely LOVES using the "big potty" like Daddy! This is something so funny to me because, well, errr... have you ever seen a 2.5 year old holding on to a toilet bowl, completely spread eagle, in order to keep their balance and not fall through into the water? Well either way, it's funny by any ones stretch of imagination. Brad is also waking up dry from his naps and asking if he has big boy "underwaaare" on, sort of like a reminder. He is getting to be such a big boy. I had to share my love/hate relationship with potty training.

I think he's allergic!

2008-04-18T07:07:00.006-04:00

Well that's new. My kid has pretty much had an iron stomach and matching skin durability to consume any type of fluid or food product he stumble across, and then proceed on with no worries and only minor gas like his father (did I say that out loud? my bad).

Seeing this is the only track record we've ever had, you'll understand then that I honestly didn't know that MiMi (my Mom) was going to try and "off" her oldest grandchild with a lunchable. Here's how the conversation went...

"Hey Smidge, is it yummy?" Me

"Yesss, Ma'am!" Brad

"Here, let me get this sauce stuff off of your face." Me. Mommy. Ucky Remover.

"No, I down't need my face clean!" Brad. Smidge. Defiant 2.5 year old

"Sure." <--- Wipe. Me. Mommy. Ucky Remover Enforcer.

"Whoa. Kiddo, does your face burn?" Me. Mommy. Ack.

"No." Smidge

"Miaaaaa! What are you feeding my midget? He's breaking out in hives, woman!" Me. Mommy. Possibly panicking.

"A lunchable. What do you mean he's breaking out in....Whoa!" MiMi. Mia. My Mommy.

That was pretty much the conversation and this was pretty much the final result of the sauce that came out of the Lunchable that Bradley ate. Nice. That's what I get for feeding him processed food.

Oh and the face... that's Brad's allergic face. I asked him to show me what the Lunchable did to his face and every single time he made this same expression, lol. It was pretty funny, lol! Maybe it was the benedryl the doctor had us give him that made him all loopy and making faces... I guess we will never know. So hopefully you can take away a few chuckles from my gap-toothed-smidge. I love him.

House Fire: Update (pictures)

2008-04-17T13:38:00.013-04:00

I went to the house today to take pictures and see the progress. I was brought to tears when I walked in. The house is beautiful and it is coming along nicely. Some of the walls are even painted. The trim work is going up and our kitchen/bathroom cabinets are going in as we speak. It's been an incredibly long journey, but I can see the progress at this point in the process and it makes me home sick. The home sick does NOT out way the extremely excited butterflies of being able to go home within the next couple of weeks. See for yourselves...

Today

Before: Day of the fire - Kitchen

Today: My Kitchen

Before: Hallway into kitchen area

Today: Hallway into kitchen area

Before: Living Room area

Today: Living Room Area

So what-do-ya think? I know the pictures are dark. I went inside and became so overwhelmed and excited, I forgot to put my flash on. Forgive me, please. Next time I promise to use the flash!

Flying with Bradley.

2008-04-17T07:07:00.002-04:00

This summer Brad and I will be flying to see a friend and their child. I'm a little antsy, because the last time I flew by myself with Brad was to Breckenridge, Colorado when he was 18 months old to see several girlfriends and their kids. He was a great travel partner and he slept most of the time we were in flight, but again, he was 18 months old. I get all feverish and feel like I'm breaking out in hives because Brad will have to walk through the security part by himself this time (If you have not had the pleasure of walking through the security "blow down", it has to be similar to walking through the car wash dryer... pleasent for a 2.5 year old, don't you think?).

This time around, Brad will have to sit in his own seat because he is no longer considered a "lap child" under the age of two (thank, God). I am also bringing his own car seat - I did not bring his car seat to Breck and it really put our hostess out on our return trip to Denver flying home. However, Elisabeth is always a great hostess and she never let on that it was a big deal, ever.

I was also told about this really awesome invention called a "gogo kidz Travelmate" - this thing is genius (thanks for the tip a few months ago, Eli). Also, seeing how I am indeed the ever freakish person who fears my child disappearing from my sight, I purchased Brad a Health and Safety Passport. I just couldn't bring myself to purchase one of those kid-leashes, it's just not my cup of tea. So I'm excited to have these items and I'll be taking Brad to get his finger prints done next week...we'll see how he does then, HAAA!

Happy Birthday, Dee!

2008-04-16T07:56:00.002-04:00

Today is one of my dearest friend's Birthday! Dana and I have been friends since grade school - 5K to be exact. We grew up like sister's and she along with our other bf, Audra, lived together for several years.

In knowing such an incredible person you are blessed to know they will cry with you when your heart breaks, laugh with you when you burn pictures in the back yard, keep your secrets from Spring Break, have you in their weddings, hold your leg through labor and love your own son as theirs. I am truly blessed to have such a beautiful friend in my life.

Today is Dee's birthday and she is now expecting her first child and it's a boy! Congrats, babe! Happy Birthday, I love you lots and I always will!!!

Love,

Me

"Your Dad would be so proud of you, Steph."

2008-04-15T15:30:00.002-04:00

This is always so wonderful to hear and so hard on my heart. I never thought about achieving goals and continuing to pursue dreams and not having my Dad to share my news with. He was my number one cheerleader and just an all around amazing friend. I still talk to him like he's here sometimes, but that's our secret...k.

I'm proud of me too. Stepping outside of my comfort zone and taking on new challenges with my photography is really scary and stressful sometimes. It's an unknown and that in and of itself is scary. I'm serious about this dream and it's already giving me freedom in doing a job I love. So I'm giving myself a pat on the back today. I'm proud.

I'm in love with my job.

2008-04-14T12:04:00.006-04:00

I had the most wonderful job yesterday! It was just so nice to work with this family and their children are darling. This was for Miss Olivia's 2nd Birthday...

They fed me cupcakes too! I must return to my dungeon to finish editing all of their photos. Their kids are so cute it was hard! That and I have to file my taxes today. Evil taxes. Evil.

The Merry-Go-Round

2008-04-12T12:40:00.003-04:00

As a child I loved the Merry-Go-Round, I was never able to really ride it because of the whole dizzy=puking thing I've always had. But I would watch all the kids get on and spin and spin and spin. They would laugh and carelessly hold on while their hair streamed in the breeze, they were obviously not afflicted with the spinning demon. Oh how fun it looked watching all my friends shout and spin with glee. I however, I was not able to do these carefree things. I would spin and then become afflicted with this stomach that lurched and really flipped upside-down. It was evil. It was almost a form of self torcher, because while I loved the merry-go-round, I always puked, always.

While Brad and I were at the park the other day he spotted it. It was like the heavens opened and this beam of light casted its glorious glow upon it. It was the Merry-Go-Round. I instinctively took a deep breath and held my stomach. Was I going to have to deprive my son of the joy that was spinning carelessly in the breeze? OR, would I see if this affliction was something I had out-grown with age. I had not been on anything of a continuous spinning nature in a long time and there she was. Almost mockingly looking at me. I scrunched my nose at her and thought, "long time no see." I'm pretty sure she laughed at me. Winch.

Brad of course ran to the merry-go-round with the excitement of a little boy meeting a new friend. I was doomed and it hadn't even started. I was already a victim and we had not even started spinning. I was feeling queasy and both of my feet were still firmly planted in the sand. Brad's chants of "wee me, Mommy" broke my stand off. It was time. I got on with him. My son loved every full circle. He was a drunken fool and he loved it. I however lost all vision and began praying for this beast to stop. I knew it was getting bad when I contemplated heaving myself and two year old from the spinning-evil-death-trap, so I pleaded with the older children to let us off. I was unable to see or form sentences. I resorted in screaming, "STOP. I'm going to be sick." really loud and from the comment all the kids came to a screeching halt and looked at me like a freak. I was suddenly 7 years old again and it was awful. I was weak to my knees. I was starting to feel that watery feeling in my mouth. It was painfully obvious that I had indeed NOT outgrown the spinning-demon.

I had to sit in the sand and pray. It was all I could do. That and make a pact with the gods above that I would never get back on...ever. I'll stick to the sidelines and only take pictures. Promise. Swear to Pete. No more. Ugh.

"I don't like Apes and Camel-oats!"

2008-04-11T15:31:00.002-04:00

Can I please tell you how hard I laughed this afternoon when Brad woke from his nap and told me he was ready for a snack... I asked if he'd like some Grapes and Cantaloupe? He proceeded to furrow his brow and tell me, "I don't like apes and camel-oats, Mommy!"

I'm still chuckling to be completely honest. He's my sweetheart, "camel-oat" hater and all.

I wrote my letter.

2008-04-11T10:32:00.005-04:00

It has been a long time since my father transplanted in September 2007... but I finally wrote the letter to her family. It was hard to write. You are not allowed to tell any of your information, or the center where the patient transplanted. You cannot disclose any information that may "give up" your personal information.

Following the transplant, my Dad got sicker, instead of better. His cancer had already metastasised on a molecular level prior to the transplant, so we did not know at the time of the transplant that he had "extensive vascular invasion" - it was not fun. I was so wrapped up in my Dad recovering, that I decided to wait and see what he wanted to tell her family. It was his gift, so I wanted it to be his letter. When my Dad did not get better and passed away on January 2nd this year, the world stopped, so the letter was never written.

I'm glad I finally wrote the letter, I hope in some way it helps her family know how incredibly grateful we were for her gift, even if it was not forever. I'm proud of us, we've come so far in the face of such hardship. I hope her family has found the same peace we have.

House Fire: 3 Months Ago Today

2008-04-10T12:51:00.003-04:00

I really cannot believe it has already been three months since our home burned. Sometimes it seems like yesterday and then other's it feels like years. It really is something you have to live through in order to grasp.

I really want to take a moment to thank everyone who has helped us in one way or another (or a hundred different ways) over the past several months. I was in such shock at first, totally incapable of understanding or grasping the fact that so much had been taken from me so quickly. My Dad passing only eight days before the fire was heart breaking enough, but for our home to burn and our dearest Lilly to pass in the fire was just devastating.

I can say that time is the healer of all things. That if you want to find an answer, you will, whether it makes sense to someone else or not, that's totally up to the person. In life you have two choices, live or stay in the moment. We decided to live and it's a beautiful thing.

Thank you again to all who have touched our lives and literally clothed our child after the fire and gave from your hearts. It has forever changed us and will forever be a time we were so grateful for having wonderful hearts to hold our hands and carry us. Thank you.

Love,

The Church's

It Builds Character!

2008-04-09T11:48:00.003-04:00

How bad is he going to hate me for this when he starts dating, lol?!? I'll say, "Hey, blame Aunt Bev! Thank you very much!"

Bev, I love all of the pictures and of course, I will save them for future black mail as he approaches a dating age, muahahaha!

He's just soooo cute.

2008-04-09T11:08:00.004-04:00

I love his facial expressions, especially these...

The Logan "stank" face...

Lo-Lo's little turtle nose...

The smirk...

"Bad-ly, wan' bwwock-ly?!?"

These two boys bring their Mommy's a whole lot of happiness. Oh, by the way, Brad nixed the broccoli idea and continued to suck the fat-free Ranch dressing off his carrot. I have to confess that I have a double dipper. That's why he gets his own "special" container for his Ranch (wink, wink).

Men.

2008-04-08T10:46:00.002-04:00

This is my old toilet. One of the construction workers obviously thought it needed a face lift, lol; however, when I saw this I busted into uncontrollable laughter. That is soot too, yuck!

The house is coming along really fast now. Our new windows are going in today, along with the insulation. By the end of the week, the dry wall should be done and then next week our flooring and custom cabinets will be installed... ooooh, ahhhhh! I am so excited and ready to be going home soon, lol!

New Photography Site.

2008-04-07T14:26:00.001-04:00

I would like to welcome you all to my new site, www.photographybystephaniechurch.com .

I am very excited to finally launch my new site. It is brand new and I am ready to and waiting to take your photo! Please, if you have a moment, take a glance, wander around and send me an email so we can get started... what are you waiting for?!?

I have placed the link to my site on the sidebar as well, so it is always there when you need.

Where's Bradley?

2008-04-07T10:30:00.002-04:00

How freaking cute is this? He was totally hidden in a pile of penguins and he and my nephew, Logan thought it was just the most fun in the whole wide world. I laugh so hard each time I see it.

This is a fun age. However, it is also a very challenging age in terms of my child testing every boundary God has ever created. I seriously just have to stop and question myself to see if he just asked me a certain question or did he really just stomp his foot and yell,"NOOO!" at me?.?.? He did. AND he did it in front of my best friend, who mind you only gets to come and visit me in Florida 2-3 times a year. So of course the MOMENT Aunt Bev touches down in Florida, Brad starts challenging me on every front.

I probably just walked around in total shock the entire four days Bev was here because Brad was just totally showing a side I am not use to. He also was such a sweetie though, like he would walk up and say, "Aun Befff, I love do." and give her a real true to life bear hug. Do you know how wonderful a bear hug from a 2 1/2 year old is? Oh they are wonderful because they literally wrap their entire bodies around you and tuck their little heads in the crook of your neck and sqeeeeeeze really hard and it's usually followed by a funny comment like, "that-a BIIIG hug, huh Mommy?.?" Heaven-in-a-hug.

It is all par for the course, I know, so Bev only told me to close my mouth 2-3 times and the rest of the time was spent in laughter... including a fashion show in which we dressed my son up in these girl shirts that said things like, "I heart my puppy." Oh my goodness, I had tears I was laughing so hard. Brad was totally going for it too because we were laughing, so he thought he was just the coolest thing since sliced bread. My husband on the other hand, not so much, lol. Brad's two, he'll never remember... until I pull out the pictures at a later date... muahahahaha!

Dear Bev,

2008-04-06T11:12:00.002-04:00

I always have such a wonderful time when you come and visit. Your friendship is so free and that is what is so incredible. You make me laugh and make my baby laugh. You make fun of my husband when he acts like a fool and I just appreciate you so much. My Mom absolutely adores you and you even kept a straight face when my Grandma got confused about the birthday card. You're a trooper!

Thank you for coming and making me laugh till I cried and almost peed myself (that's our secret okay.) You are so great with Brad and my entire family just loves you. If you survived meeting the whole clan and NEVER want to come again, that will be completely understandable, lol.

I'm already looking forward to our next trip and Mr. Andrew getting to come and go with us all to Disney World... it's going to be a blast! Do you think they make those Disney ears big enough for adults, lol?

p.s. I need the pictures of Brad dressed up like a girl to save for his future black-mail file when he decides to date.